|
My life for better or worse.
|
|
My life for better or worse.
|
I don't know quite what this is just yet. All I know is that I am too much inside my own head and I need to get my thoughts outside so that I can see them and make sense of them. If either of us benefit from this blog it will have been worth it.
There are so many words in my life today that I paid little attention to only a few years ago; Anxiety. Shame. Indecision. Fear. Infertility. Leisure. Rest. It amazes me just how much each one of these things has altered the course of my life and how they have shown me just how little I'm really in control. I'd like to explore these things and others with you through this blog and hope to achieve some healing, clarity, purpose, and peace. I'm 31 years old and I live in the Canadian west. I've been married six years to an angel of a woman. I'm an electrician, a catholic and an optimist, most days. As I said before, the purpose of this blog is to get my thoughts out so I can make sense of them, get them straight. When I try to figure everything out all in my head I start to feel like a crazy person. This blog will likely change and evolve over time, maybe it wont always appeal to you, but I welcome you to accompany me on this journey. I think one of the most important things in life is connection. I'm not talking about the internet or social media or even a blog post for that matter. Not a digital connection but and emotional connection. I heard a quote recently that stated that in fact the easier it has become for us to "connect", we've actually become more disconnected than ever before. It makes sense. People used to write letters to each other, to their relatives and friends. People used to actually meet in person and when they did, they didn't spend the entire visit glued to their cell phone screen. They were present. They were connected. Now, I'm not going into a rant here about cell phones or social media, all I'm saying is that I believe that we were made for connection. We were made for love. And I want to encourage you to seek out connection wherever you can. Let a piece of music move you deeply, let a movie or TV show or a book excite you, touch you. Allow emotions to fully engage. Sometimes we are so guarded that we are afraid to truly embrace our emotions in fear of being hurt, embarrassed, shamed, or let down. So we hold back, we put a mask on, we protect ourselves, or at least we think we are protecting ourselves, but in reality we are building a prison for ourselves, and this prison is keeping us from being our true self. It makes us doubtful. It makes us skeptical. It makes us fearful. I chose to name this blog The Stubborn Pilgrim because I think it characterizes me well. The word pilgrim is described as: a traveler who is on a journey to a holy place. I like that, and I desire that, so I would say, "Yes, I am a pilgrim." However... I'm fallible. I'm human. When I uncover distractions, detours if you will, that pull me off the track to that Holy Place, I find letting go of them is harder than I anticipated. I am attached to my sins, my habits, my vices. I don't want to let go of them. It's either that, or I will make a change and see how it improves my life. I will feel happier and fulfilled and back on track...and then all of a sudden I'm back where I started, because it was just too much work, it was too difficult, it conflicted with my schedule, my life, and a thousand other empty excuses that simply don't hold water. It's just easier not to try. It's easier to be in slavery, to be a slave to your vices, to simply say "this is who I am", than to try to change, than to try to do the right thing, than to be vulnerable, than to be free. Freedom comes with responsibility. To be free is to be able to choose. I think a lot of us are so caught up in our vices we barely even see that we have a choice to resist them. So here begins the journey. My journey. Our journey. I'm opening the door to the cell that I have put myself in. I'm going to be vulnerable. I'm going to be honest. And I hope in the future to be able to say that I'm free. - Stubborn Pilgrim
1 Comment
|
Archives |